Resolutions for '09

I am a big fan of making resolutions. I try to set goals year round so New Years is the perfect time to reevaluate the previous year and set challenges for the new year.

While losing weight tends to be at the beginning of every resolution list but this year I've come to realize that I'm not actually ready to do what needs to be done in order to lose weight. I'm not ready to exercise regularly or follow a diet that tells me I cannot eat the foods I love.

Instead I've decided to make my resolutions more specific, pointed and achievable.

1. I will learn to like myself as a size 14
2. I will drink water daily
3. I will start moving for fun. I will walk, run, bike ride or just play at least 3 days a week.

For the first two months of the year I will focus ONLY on these 3 personal goals.
I will NOT worry about

My weight
My measurements
What other people think about me

What will you resolve for 2009?

Happy New Year

Today is the final day of the year. If you are at all like me, you will find a way to celebrate with friends and a bottle of champagne. Tonight is a night for celebrating all the success you achieved in 2008.

For tomorrow is a new year, with new challenges, new goals and new successes.

Have fun while you can tonight, because tomorrow you will begin making new resolutions.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

I wish you and your family a happy holiday.

Bread, the greatest thing since well...

I love bread. I love all forms of bread - rolls, biscuits, toast, bagels - I love them all. This morning I made a loaf of white bread in my bread machine. My apartment smells heavenly, all that soft, white, squishy goodness that is bread.

I'm guessing my bread obsession is why I never succeeded on a low-carb diet. I mean really, who wants to give up squishy white bread, especially when it's fresh??

As a child when parents did the horrible threaten of sending me to bed without dinner or talked about those poor people who had to live on bread and water - I didn't see the harm personally. If I had to live on bread alone, I figured I would eat well. My five year old self did really understand the balanced diet and why our bodies need protein and fresh vegetables. Even though I understand that now I still can't seem to give up the bread.

I have no problem letting go of the pasta (though I'm a fan of lasagna and mac n' cheese), potatoes (a trip to Ireland several years ago lessened my urge for potatoes) and rice. I can give up sugar and artificial sweeteners.

BUT I CANNOT GIVE UP BREAD!

As of yet, I can't even say that being thin again would be worth it.

More I'm FAT

I thought of a few more to add to my list:

It's hormonal
DIET is a four letter word
It's not my fault that I got this way
Drugs and birth control got me this way
I HATE thinking about food
I want my way
I don't like vegetables
I'm unwilling to count calories long term
Exercise is too hard
It's dark at 4pm
I'm too tired
I cannot sleep

Hopefully none of these are duplicates since I didn't look at the earlier list before making this one.

I'm fat because...

Today I'm fat because

I love sugar
I crave soda and use it for stress relief
I don't exercise enough
I hate to sweat
I am too weak to stay motivated
Weekend binges
Cheese, butter & bread are my favorite foods
I have no self control
Moderation isn't in my vocabulary
I'm capable of consistency only in my work life
I make excuses
I am busy
I am lonely
I embrace change only when it is comfortable
I am comfortable with being lazy

If you are asking why I made this list, bear with me for a few minutes. You see we all have excuses, reasons or rationalizations for why we are not as thin, fit or healthy as we want to be. Today these are the excuses I have been using. Tomorrow there may be different excuses. For this week I will challenge myself to list every excuse I can think of that I have used - EVER.

Once I have a complete list I plan to start crossing off the crazy reasons and the reasons I want to make sure are never true again. I'm making getting rid of negative messages a step in my new plan to take control of my life and my goals.

Welcome to Winter

Today was the first snowfall of the season in my small town in Central Mass. The snow stayed pretty and pure until about 2 and then it became a mess of dirty slush. Not that you need the weather report but the snow announced winter and got me thinking about winter and weight.

You see the change of season means something to weight loss.

Winter Positives
Fat keeps us warm
We burn calories just trying to stay warm
No one wants to see your pasty skin
Sweaters cover a myriad of body flaws
Video workouts
Catching up on sleep
A new year to look forward to & reason to change

Winter Negatives

Too much darkness leads to couch potato syndrom

Holiday sweets

Stressful shopping and gift giving

Comfort food

Pasta and potatoes

Hot chocolate

Vitamin D deficiency

I'm guessing that the positives and negatives mean something different for each of us. So far I don't know which will win out for my life. Today I'm still weighing in at 180. I'm hoping for 170 by January 1.

What goals have you set?

Will winter get in your way?

Weight loss podcasts

How to you feel about podcasts? Have you ever listened to them?

I am a huge fan of my iPod. Having my music available without interruption makes me happy, not just when traveling. I use the iPod to tune out office noises at work so I can focus and concentrate while writing. I also use my iPod at home to motivate me when I’m cleaning or organizing. This tiny machine provides the music I love at my fingertips and provides a sense of privacy that allows me to tune out the rest of the world. In short, it’s a modern marvel in the life of a semi-technophobe.

While experimenting with the iPod I have stumbled across several free podcasts available on iTunes. Recently I found some podcasts that are directed towards those who want to lose weight. I subscribed to a couple, the one I found recently, Inside Out Weight Loss with Renee Stephens. This podcast is all about using the Law of Attraction to change your mental state to help you lose weight.

Surrounding the listener for a half hour of motivational speaking and zen-like background music seems to be the goal. This morning I was catching up on a few of the older podcasts. Renee spoke in this episode about not putting off the now and living now for the ideal life that will occur when we reach our ideal weight.

The conversation was interesting and focused on changing how we think instead of how we eat. I’m not saying that we won’t have to change our food or exercise habits but the idea is that before we can be successful in changing those habits we have to change our mental habits. She recommends changing our views on the past and past events. She talks about changing our minds to rethink the events in the past that have shaped us or are holding us back from being successful.

I’m willing to try listening to motivation for a few weeks before I make a statement of opinion but so far I am skeptical. What about you? Would motivational speaking hold any sway over your mental challenges when it comes to your life, and your weight loss?

Have you tried podcasts, or other audio reinforcement?
What did you try?
How did it work for you?

Please let us know.

My Hormones are Hampering Me

Why is it that I am most motivated 2 days before I start my period? Will someone please answer this question for me?

Once again I was motivated yesterday to begin to get back on track. I started to make note of my food intake and decided to cut back to one soda daily as the only sugar in my diet. And I did great for 1 entire day. I walked 3 miles and I ate according to plan.

Then I woke up this morning with cramps, my period and the only desire I had was to crawl back into bed and stay there for a week. I am often to exhausted during my period to do anything but stay awake. And in two more days when my period is over will I still have the desire to turn my life around and get my health under control. Of course I won't. I never do.

So what can I do? I hate to admit that hormones are making me feel crappy and that I don't have the strength of will to stay motivated after a few crap days. And yet, I still don't have an answer.

So my hormones are helping me NOT lose weight. How about yours?

What do your hormones make you do?

We're Baaack!!

November is over and we have to come back from hiatus. I will admit it was nice to have a break from thinking about my weight loss.

Unfortunately, not thinking about it did not help me lose any weight. I gained 2 pounds total for the month but considering that I totally pigged out the week of Thanksgiving and didn't exercise, I'm not real upset by the small gain.

I love Thanksgiving with the pies, cool whip and any other baked goods I can think of. Sure turkey and ham are great but for me it's all about the dessert. Hopefully I gorged so much last week that I won't be tempted by Christmas cookies and holiday cocktails. We'll have to see how it goes.

I can't speak for Noelle but this month, I plan to get back on the blogging bandwagon and chat with you all about what is keeping me from being that slender, healthy girl I once was.

BLOG ON HIATUS FOR NOVEMBER

I know we've been absent a lot lately but with moving, working and trying to keep my head above water as the economy plummets, I've been a little busy. And now I'm writing to let you know that Noelle and I will be absent for the month of November.

November is National Novel Writing Month.

We've decided to accept the challenge of NaNoWriMo of writing 50,000 words or a full novel during the month of November.

In order to achieve my goal I will be cutting back on all other writing as much as possible. I've set myself a 1000 word goal for each week day with a larger goal for the weekends, 5000 words each day for three weekends. I'm taking the other weekend off writing in order to move.

I'm not sure what Noelle's specific plan is but I'm sure she'll be working just as hard to win NaNo this year. She won last year and would love to repeat her success.

In order to make the goal, we will put this blog on hold. But don't worry.

We should be back December 1st.

Feed a fever, starve a cold? Or is it the other way around?

Sorry for the delay in writing but I've been down with a killer cold that had me using every spare moment to catch as much sleep as possible. In between naps I managed to go to work but that was about it. So all this rest may have helped me feel better but it did nothing for my weight loss plans.

Instead I put on 2 or 3 pounds. I'm not sure how considering I ate very little because I couldn't taste anything and it seems wasteful to eat when your taste buds are on vacation. Plus with congestion and crap floating through my system the last thing I wanted to do was add anything more into the mix.

So back to the point of this entry. Is it feed a fever, starve a cold? Apparently it IS the other way around. When I did a search I found more references to feeding a cold. But really I must repeat my earlier assertion, who wants to eat with snot running down the back of their throat and their taste buds on hiatus?? Sorry about the graphic reference but I felt like CRAP last week. I'm only now feeling a little better. But I'm hoping for back to 100% by Wednesday. By then I plan to get back to packing my apartment (I move in 3 weeks) and getting back into an exercise routine.

I did manage to walk at lunch today for 2 miles without sweat dripping down my face and feeling like passing out. But I'm thinking once I have my energy back I'll be adding the strength training back to my regimen. It always makes me feel better but I still can't seem to stick with it.

We'll see how well I do. One another note, I won an award at work and from the list of prizes I chose a Trek Mountain Bike. Hopefully this expensive bike will inspire me to get out an ride. Winter's coming I know so maybe this wasn't the best plan but still if I spend the winter working with weights I'll be raring to hit the trails on the bike come spring. I HOPE!!

So I failed to feed my cold and still I survived? The only thing I lost was my motivation and yeah I took a couple steps back in my weight loss plan. So for this week a cold stopped my weight loss.

How about you?

What's stopping you this week?

Caught in the candy trap

I know I said I wouldn't get sucked in to the endless candy that seems to flow from every nook and cranny leading up to Halloween but again I have failed. For the past two days I have consumed at least 500 calories in empty, mindless sugar consumption.

A coworker placed a container full of some of my candy favorites - Lemonheads and red hots - within easy reach of my desk. Within three steps there is also a tub full of Twizzlers. I'm a big fan of the sweet that comes with the sour and I cannot help myself from mindlessly popping these tiny candies into my mouth while I work. I created a Power Point presentation while eating 2 90 calorie boxes. Then I checked my email during another box. I cannot put the candy down.

I have bought no candy myself. My cupboards are empty and there are no bowls or containers available on my desk or at home to put candy in. YET, I'm still consuming candy at an alarming rate. Those tiny boxes of Lemonheads have 90 calories in them, 90!!

At the rate I'm going I could be consuming my daily calorie allowance in sugar by Halloween.

I just don't know how to stop myself.

Being the Fat Girl

I haven't been in the mood to write much lately because I've been busy with other things. Plus I'm down about 3 pounds - the stage where my size 16s look baggy on my butt but size 14s are still a little too tight. There hasn't been much else to say.

I was a little bored earlier so I was wandering around in blogland and hit on some blogs that were a bit distressing. I know that we are a weight obsessed culture and for those who feel fat, the feelings of distance and ostracism can be overwhelming. I guess I've just never had it in my face as much before.

I stumbled across the following blogs:
http://101reasonsihatebeingfat.blogspot.com/
On number 97 of things this blogger hates about being fat. If you are looking for things to add to your list, there may be a few you haven't thought of.

http://angryfatgirlz.blogspot.com/
This blog covers more than just ranting about weight. There are some good life tips here.

http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/index.html
If you're looking for positive and reasonable inspiration, start here. This blogger tracked her weight loss over 3 years for a total of 178 pounds and now works at tracking how she keeps it off.

http://www.dietgirl.org/dietgirl/
Check out another woman who has lost half her weight. This blog tracks weight loss that started in 2001 and is great for the maintenance stage.

http://www.myallnaturalweightloss.com/
A weight loss journey with a dieter willing to experiment with almost any diet out there.


Some of these are great blogs full of awesome inspiration while others rant. There are a few moments of negativity and laughs but these are well worth the visit.

Free food fandango

Why, as adults, can we still be bribed with food?

Our insurance agent came by today to check in, see how we are doing, answer any questions, just basically remind us that his company loves ours. He brought muffins. And not some skinny little muffins like your mom used to make in the 12-cup muffin tins, but huge, gooey, multi-thousand calorie muffins that are really small cakes. People were lining up in the breakroom to get some. Luckily, the things were so damn big we had to cut them in half, so there was plenty for everyone.

Why are we like that? None of us are starving. All of us could afford to go buy a similar treat for ourselves (or something healthier or more appropriate), but we all go crazy for free food brought in by a vendor. And we think well of them for bringing us this stuff that is really not good for any of us. Granted, we also like it when they bring us calendars and pens and other desk accessories, but nothing turns us into cavemen like food.

This is something I've had to make a deliberate effort to stay away from, so I think I'm a little resentful, too. I have an eating plan and big muffins aren't on it. I have to be one of those people who declines the original offer PLUS has to stiff-arm all the office people who want to encourage me to partake in the bounty. There is no polite way to say, "No, thanks, I'd rather those calories were on your thighs, not mine."

The winter holidays are coming and this free food phenomenon is only going to get worse. How do you cope? Do you just give in or try to fight the food frenzy?

Comfort Food

I'm half way into what I feel will be a killer cold. I have the itchy ears, throat and congestion. The fever seems like it's creeping up and will probably knock me on me tail this weekend while I'm in the middle of a serious enterprise at work. However, there's nothing I can do but pop some pills and suffer through. I can't take off work because there's just too much to do during the next week.

Anyway, the most prominent side effect of having a cold is that I cannot taste anything. Why this makes me want to snack I cannot tell you. I'm not hungry and have no appetite yet I feel some compulsion to eat something every now and then. So today what did I grab for comfort food?

Was it soup?
Maybe some hot chocolate?
How about something hearty and nutritious?

NAH, I reached for cheese and crackers with a side of apple.

I can't tell you why but I do believe this is my favorite food. As a snack it is perfect. It makes a damn good dinner too (although since it was lunch, I made do with a mini bag of popcorn for dinner). I found that standing long enough for the popcorn to pop in the microwave made me tired and ready for a nap. I decided to write this quick update then I'm off to bed.

Before I sleep I suggest you might want to consider the following:
What is your comfort food?
Is it crazy?
Healthy?
Sugar?
Salt?

And the most revealing question (if you ever find an answer) WHY is that your comfort food?

Are you hungry??

Hunger is a fascinating word that has over the years achieved a variety of definitions. Consider some of the following from Encarta Dictionary for the word hunger:

• the need or desire for food
• a lack of food leading to sickness or death
• a great need or desire for something

In deciding that you are hungry, what are you really saying? Is your hunger a biological need for food for fuel, for energy, to exist? Or is your desire caused by some other trigger? Are you an emotional eater? A stress eater? A bored eater? Or do you eat just because it is lunch time?

Determining the source and reason for your hunger will help you find your starting point, maybe even one reason behind your initial weight gain.

I've been thinking about this a lot since reading Rethinking Thin and writing this blog the last few months. What I've discovered is that I am rarely if ever hungry. I eat because it's time or because I have a headache. Sometimes I eat if I am bored. For my situation hunger or even the desire for food are not my primary motivators for eating.

Realizing this I have no idea why I can't lose the weight. I've just begun the journey of determining my root causes and motivations. But for now, at least I know that hunger is not my reason for eating.

"Rethinking Thin" or Should we just Give Up

This weekend I read Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata on the recommendation from Noelle. My partner in crime has been a bit slammed lately which is why I've taken primary blogger duty of late.

Regardless, she mentioned this book so I checked it out from the library and took a look. As a side note, I have decided that I will not EVER buy another book about diet, weight loss or getting healthy. I have dedicated one shelf of one of my larger bookcases to these type of books and I'm disgusted with myself over how much money I've spent on books that did nothing for me (or my health). So NO MORE. I will borrow from the library and hopefully one day, I will just stop reading these things.

But for now, I did spend a few hours this weekend reading this book written by the New York Times Science Writer, Gina Kolata. To Kolata's credit (or detriment, I haven't yet decided), this book reads like a science book. If you are not at all interested in the history of the science investigating obesity, then leave this book on the shelf (or just read the short sections at the end of each chapter that talk about the research test group studied for this project).

I admit I'm not a huge fan of the science jargon so I skimmed some of the chapters. I wasn't too interested in the discovery of leptin deficiency in rats (or mice) so I read enough to get the gist.

I finished this book with 2 problems:

1. It seems like there is no hope for most people wanting to lose weight; AND

2. This book doesn't apply to me

So I guess personally I wasn't disheartened by this book but for others, I felt irritated. The book reads as though there is a genetic component that forces people to maintain a high weight because the genes make them eat more (some are insatiable), it adjusts so that they constantly need fewer calories to maintain their weight.

The reason I say this book doesn't apply to me is because I am not a big eater, I don't have any drive to consume massive amounts of food in the evening and I'm not so obese I cannot move. In relation to the participants in the book, my heavy weight isn't high enough to qualify. So I'm not the audience she is speaking to. Still, it seems distressing to think that for some people, weight is completely out of their control which in turn means that their health and life are out of their control as well. For some, reading this book is the answer to a prayer. It is a reason to just give up and never try to be thinner. It is the ultimate demotivator.

The 20 Minute Walk Fantasy

We've all heard it from any number of sources, all you need to do is walk 20 minutes a day and you can increase your health and decrease your weight.

If this was true I would weigh 100 pounds. The thing is that 20 minutes of walking even at a pace where your having a hard time breathing is NOT ENOUGH. I walk a half hour at lunch almost every day. I struggle with it, EVERY TIME. My cardio does not get better, my heart and lungs don't feel better and I certainly do not lose weight.

So why does every program you see, almost every diet and exercise plan tells us that we just need to move a little, to have those 20 minutes a day or get those 2 miles a day and you will be healthy and thin?

For those who do ZERO activity, I guess 20 minutes a day is better than nothing from the viewpoint of the weight loss experts. Maybe the idea is that something is better than nothing.

These of course are the same people who promise if you would just drink your 64 ounces of water ice cold instead of lukewarm, you will notice a difference in how it speeds up your metabolism.

This crap just doesn't work. Plain and simple.
I don't know what the solution is yet but I do know that it takes more than 20 minutes a day.

I’m not ignorant; I also know the bad side

If you read yesterday’s post and thought I had lost my mind, all that positive when our economy is falling apart and people are losing their jobs and savings all around us. I am not insensitive or crazy. I’m just trying to find a way to get by, just like you are.

The economy sucks and I’m afraid to even look at my 401k again this month. Still I have to be positive or I will want to give up. What’s the point of working 2 jobs and trying to write in my spare time if the world is falling apart?!

For you Negative Nellies I will acknowledge the following health negatives that the economy may cause:
1. Job loss = income loss = inability to buy food and basic necessities
2. Job loss = benefits loss = no health care
3. Stress is bad for our physical and mental health

AND THE EXTREMES
4. Hunger and starvation
5. Increased rates of suicide
6. Increases rates of violent crimes
7. Rise in infant and child mortality rates
8. ETC.

Still, the US isn’t a third world country as of yet and hopefully no matter how far we fall, we won’t let people starve in the streets. I try to be positive that even if our leaders cannot prevent this, we as a people, will band together and those who can help others, will do so. Call me sentimental or foolish but I want to stay positive.